So the months long ordeal of battling CAF for financial assistance to pay my rent is OVER! Of course, I leave France in 2 months, and I started this in December, but oh my god...
Here's the play by play til now:
December: Filed paperwork just before Christmas
January: Receive a letter saying oops ya dun fucked up and forgot to sign the forms...which I did...even after a friend reminded me. Fail. So I do, go turn them in, no big.
February: Get another letter: Your passport is illegible. I was pissed because now THEY'RE fucking around. So I get another photocopy, and off I go to the office. Guess what was closes "à cause d'un mouvement de grêve?" Yep you got it. So I got pissed and gave up.
March: Get a letter giving me til the end of the month to give them a photocopy. I debated, was it worth it, do I need to, etc, and figured why the hell not? So At almost the last second I take another photocopy (mind you I had also been REALLY busy between la Semaine Européenne and papers and whatnot) and they ok'd it.
April: After almost a MONTH, I get a letter, FINALLY saying you're eligible BUT we need your birth certificate and SSN. Ok, SSN is nothing, but birth certificate? Let's just say right now, it's easier for Obama to prove his birthplace than it is for me. Because of all the moving of the last year, I have NO idea where mine is. It may be lost, or it may not be, I don't know. And to get a new one is $10. Oh and I wasn't born in Fort Wayne, I was born in Indianapolis. So yeah, that makes it even MORE fun.
So I go in today to see about it, they said no big deal, that it's not THAT important since I had my SSN and SS card. Thank GOD! So this month I get money for April and May I get 94€ ($138 thereabout) and June I get 47€. Not a lot, but after having to buy this comp, it helps BIG TIME!!!
So I spurged on Subway for lunch lol
OH! And since I'm here I may as well write about the Royal Wedding today. I have to admit, I thought t was adorable they got married on St. Catherine's feast day. I bet they planned it but still I love it! The wedding was so pretty, and everyone looked fantastic, and I even got home from CAF just in time to see them kiss! It made me so happy!!! Weddings in general do, and seeing them so happy and so in love was just great. When she finally got walked down the aisle and they stood at the altar together, you could see it all over their faces how much they love each other. It was such a great way to wake up and start the day!
Anyway, that's all for now. I wanted to share my little bit of news before I go find something else to do!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Douche bags, Totally Minnie, et un nouvel ordi
 |
| The beloved Ghetto Rig |
I had to take it by Darty (thank god this time I at least knew where to go) and saw if they could do anything. The guy tinkered with it, and said there was nothing he could do. The hard drive finally bit the dust.
 |
| Nouvel Ordi |
This week of break I have completely succeeded at finding the Totally Minnie special I watched religiously as a kid. I think I nearly wore the tape out that my mom had recorded it on when I was 4. It was nice seeing it again. Totally hoaky, totally 80's, but still adorable as hell! It was fun watching it for probably the first time in 20 years. XD Infatuations start young I'm telling you...
But anyway, onto the meat and potatoes of what I have to say.
I've had my fair share of experiences with jerks since getting here. Definitely a huge let down, as I think most American girls have this image in their head about what European guys are, and it's definitely better than your average American guy. And I have to say this: looks wise, your average Euro guy is just...WOW! Always well dressed, well groomed, and usually pretty good looking anyway. And no, they're probably not gay. Some are, but most aren't, so it's totally ok to look and drool while you're on the tram. haha!
Exhibit A:
So now that I am done praising physical appearances, all I have to say now is Euro guys are great, until they try to talk to you. Well, at least French guys. Save for the one drunk German Sibylle and I encountered, Germans are pretty rad. No comments from the peanut gallery on that one, s'il te plaît. I've had more MORONS try to hook up with me, get my phone number, ask me out, and on and on and on and on. Several idiots have tried to pick me up while I waited on the tram, a Georgian (the country, not the state) told me I was "the most beautiful American" he'd ever seen, after walking RIGHT UP next to me when I wasn't paying attention (creepy much?), I've heard twice "Hey you know who this guy is, right?" from guys trying to pick me up for their friends (I hope to God one set was drunk...they easily had 15 - 20 years on me), one guy who was lame enough to sign his name Fran6 (Francis...end of the name in French sounds like the pronunciation for 6) hit on me AND Melinda (oh how that still makes me laugh...gotta give him credit though he had a way with words), I've been ask "Mais, tu as envie de fair l'amour avec un français avant que tu rentres aux USA?" (But don't you want to make love with a French guy before you go back to the US?), I was picked up in the IMMIGRATION OFFICE of all places, been asked if I wanna fuck some guy after hanging out with a friend after a movie (we were both propositioned...in very BAD English might I add) I mean I've heard it ALL. And are they the well - dressed, courteous, good - looking French guys? No of course not. Because, you know, they're all taken, or have other priorities in life besides dating (which good for them, shows they have a good head on their shoulders). I mean not that it'd work anyway because, you know, in June I'm going home to Brandon, but that's beside the point. Point is, it's RIDICULOUS. Definitely not what I expected. I figured French guys would at least have a little more respect for women. I mean...it's France. Land of wine, romance, and culture. Hello, really want to seduce a girl, those are the three things you need. And no, not wine to get her drunk, but to show you're more sophisticated than the cheap beer guzzling rednecks I'm accustomed to trying to say something. Romance and culture go without saying any more.
The last 2 weeks, it's been absolutely insane. We're talking I've almost felt violated and one instance almost went to the Police.
The police one was just...disgusting. There was a moron who bugged me right around Christmas for a few days, but he was just annoying. Eventually I convinced him to shut up and leave me alone. And good to his word, not a peep since then. Well, I get a text a few weeks ago from some random number. I figured they just had a wrong number, bid them good day, think nothing of it. Few days later, I get another random text from the same number asking me if I'm a guy or a girl. I go on the defensive immediately (not to mention EVERYTHING he wrote was in slang...oh my god ANNOYING). I'm asking where they got the number, never actually said straight up I was a woman, but you could tell, and said to leave me alone.
His reply?
Send me a pic of...and I'll leave you alone.
THAT set me off. I swore in as many ways as I could think of in French and English, demanded he left me alone, I didn't want to talk, he needed to go away, I even suggested finding porn on the internet if he was so desperate.
Reply?
My comp is fucked up.
Me: Not my problem. Caisse - toi (fuck off)
THEN it gets even better. He tells me he's a lesbian and that it shouldn't bother me because we're both women so what's the big deal if I send a pic?
Yes, because that makes me want to send something like that...
By this point I'm texting French friends for advice, and if I can take this to the police, and if they consider it harassment. I was that fed up with this crap. And I finally told the loser if he didn't stop I would go to the police, and I would file a complaint since I had all the messages, and his phone number. Come to find out, it's a friend of the idiot from before Christmas. But now i have names and phone numbers so if anything happens again...there's a police station about 5 minutes from me.
So I calm down from that, and a few days later, I walk to Kehl with Melinda and Véronique, and whaddya know, as I'm waiting at Esplanade to meet Melinda and Véro, 2 guys use the "hey you know who he is right? he's a famous football player!" thing. Oh gee...
I won't elaborate, except Melinda and Véro showed up just in the nick of time and saved me from these assheads.
Fast forward to Friday. Oh this gets great.
I walked to the CAF office to wonder what the fuck the hold up is on me getting any assistance (I've been at this since December...partially my fault, but they've been a pain in the ass too). I didn't realize it was Good Friday, and EVERYTHING was closed. Oops, oh well, the office isn't far from me so it's not like I wasted a tram ticket or anything. I walked home, headed into my building, no big.
Half way up to the first floor, some idiot is following me trying to get my attention (I have my headphones in so I heard nothing). I finally noticed him and am looking at him like WTF do you want? His question? Do I have a cigarette? Oh my god, I wanted to smack him. I answer no. Then it's the normal spiel of questions: You live here? (no I just have a key because the administration thought it'd be funny to see if anyone asks that very question so they gave me one to see what would happen) You're a student? (no, I just like to make people THINK I am) What are you doing? Do you have time to chat?
Of course by the time he's asking if I can talk I'm so mad I didn't quite get the question. So I answered with "peut-être" (maybe). Still being standoffish mind you but he took it as a yes. So guess who invites himself to my room.
That pissed me off. So I'm walking to my room very angrily, he's trying to start conversation with me and I'm going oh yeah uh huh sure, and as we get to my room, I barely open the door wide enough to get myself in, and slam it and lock it in dipshit's face.
I swear, I've had some adventures with French men.
Anyway I had more I wanted to say but as this is already long enough. I'll add the other entry another time.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Dreamworld, I'm Alive, Silence
So today was pretty good. Actually, this week has been really good. It's definitely springtime here now, with amazing sunny weather, blue skies, and a WONDERFUL lack of homework or papers. Sure I have exams to review for, but really, I'm to a point where I just want to do that once break is over. I might review some over break, since I don't have any major plans other than a possible day trip to Offenburg, Germany (a town maybe half an hour from here or so. I know by train it's like 15 minutes). But anyway before I ramble too much...
Melinda texted me in the middle of the afternoon, asking if I wanted to come hang with her at l'Orangerie. Now, I hadn't been to l'Orangerie yet (a park that was built back in the day by Napoléon for his first wife, Josephine, yet she never visited the park) and I was looking for an excuse to leave the house anyway. I was going to make the trip to Kehl and stock up on some necessities, but once Mellinda got a hold of me, I figured I could grab the things I REALLY needed here in Stras (the rest is eventual needs, and I can get later) and meet her there. I even offered to pick up some food for a mini picnic, and took a blanket too. Thanks mom for drilling the "Girl Scout Motto" in my head as a kid. ;)
And speaking of, we saw a troop of French Girl Scouts hiking through the park, decked out in their uniforms. Major awwww moment for me, as I remembered doing the same thing as a kid. My mom was a Girl Scout, so naturally she stuck me in it when I was a kid, and honestly, I am glad she did. It wasn't always my favorite thing to do, but I have some fond memories of it, and it was definitely something we got to share before she passed. It made me really wish she was still alive, but for once, definitely not in a sad way. It was kinda happy, actually. And as Monday was the 11 year anniversary (I was going to jump on here and blog about it, but changed my mind. That story is tucked in my actual journal), it was actually a nice change to think about her and smile, instead of bawl my eyes out and freeze half to death (which is what happened Monday).
We had a wonderful time today though, just sitting in the sun and talking, and watching the Cigognes fly around. Yep, we even heard the mating call, and saw a little Stork Lovin' going on too. Hahaha! There was one that flew over us too with a stick in her mouth for her nest. Very cool, indeed. And it was the first time I actually SAW a Cigogne (which...well would be like living in Indiana, and not seeing a Cardinal. Just doesn't happen/that's our state bird). After the way it transpired, I had to joke with Melinda that we were REAL Alsatians now, not only having seen the regional bird, but seen the regional bird try to keep the population levels up. Hahaha!
But anyway, we talked about how we couldn't believe it was already April, and how it just seems that time is flying so fast. It really is. Blink, and March is gone. It's already been 2 weeks since the last concert and after next week we're on Easter Break til the beginning of May. May is finals, then June I'm hanging out, and the end of the month I'm headed back stateside. What? You mean to tell me this adventure is winding down? Insanity! It can't be! I feel like I just got here! I feel like I have so much more I need to do, and see, and feel, and experience, and learn, and...and...and...
Well anyway, point is, I wish I could freeze time to this point of my life. Yeah I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way, but it's true. I've had such a wonderful time here. I mean, it's had its struggles and drama, but that's a given; that's just life. I know in the moment I was a pretty big baby, but looking at it with some time between me and the bad situations, it's all been a learning experience. And then stepping even further away from that and looking I've realized, for the first time in my life, my life has been GOOD. I've been able to start clearing out the crap. No, debts aren't paid or anything like that, but I'm not talking about that crap. I'm talking about my own messes. I've been able to push myself away from the crap, and start actually growing up, and learning, and seeing what's really there. Life's been beautiful, for the first time. I mean, life has seriously been really good. Not without challenges but they're...normal...challenges. You know, managing money, weighing necessity versus pleasure, just stuff you always have to think about. That's life haha! It sucks, because I want to just jump on a train every weekend, and go see this that and the other place, and I can't. Ah well, there are worse problems, right?
It's just been...it's been nice to finally experience the nicer side of life for once. Not even just the nice side of life, but to feel ALIVE. That's what was missing before. I didn't feel alive. I didn't feel like I was living the life I have, even though I so desperately wanted to. Fort Wayne, and everything there, was killing me, slowly. I needed to get out, and get away. I needed to remove myself from all that, and finally see something else. And not just see another country, though anyone who knows me knows how desperately I wanted to, but I've seen other things that are just deeper than seeing a Gothic cathedral, or street signs printed in another language. This is about seeing LIFE; seeing things we need to see as human beings. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The up, the down, the in, and the out.
That video, the song, I think sums up exactly how I feel about this whole adventure. "I'm Alive" by Zoo Army. Yes I'm still on my Gil Ofarim kick, but honestly, the more and more I listen to his music, the more and more it ends up not just being a cute German musician to obsess over, but a soundtrack. So many of his songs--English and German--have become something I can identify with. Being away from home, feeling alone, cutting yourself out of the trap your life's put you in to move to bigger and better things, feeling that burning adoration for someone else, that withstands distance and separation in hopes of reuniting to create a life together and having a "home," solitude and time healing wounds and teaching important lessons, being able to stand on your own, and not needing anyone else to be that for you...it seems all the major things I've learned and dealt with since leaving have been described in his music. And sometimes, it's a comfort to know that someone else out there "gets it."
Has it been a challenge? You better believe it has been. It's not been without it's fighting and crying and screaming and bitching and moaning. But the thing is, all the struggles have actually ended. By that I mean, I go through them, but there's actually a resolve in the end. I honestly haven't ever had that before; it just always seemed like suffering for the sake of suffering before. Yeah, I know, it could've been a lot worse and all that. And, it's been hard letting go (mentally and emotionally) of the things in my past, but had I not left home like I had, I don't know if I ever would've managed even an attempt at it.
The sad part is though, I have to go back. I've known I'd have to go back, as soon as I left. I guess there's that much, but even if that's true, the idea of going back is still a hard idea to swallow. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Hell, I figured out how to manage myself in 2 foreign countries, if I can do that, I'm sure I can manage myself in a town I've lived in for 22 years. But I don't want to go there. The point of all this rambling is to be happy and looking on the bright side of everything. Every rose has its thorns, but I don't want to focus on the thorns too much. Point is, I've finally been able to look at the rose AND the thorns, and actually see how pretty the rose is, despite the fact it can potentially hurt you. Just be smart about it, and try to dodge the thorns, but if you get stuck anyway, find the way to mend the wound and let it heal, and in due time, it'll be all right.
Melinda texted me in the middle of the afternoon, asking if I wanted to come hang with her at l'Orangerie. Now, I hadn't been to l'Orangerie yet (a park that was built back in the day by Napoléon for his first wife, Josephine, yet she never visited the park) and I was looking for an excuse to leave the house anyway. I was going to make the trip to Kehl and stock up on some necessities, but once Mellinda got a hold of me, I figured I could grab the things I REALLY needed here in Stras (the rest is eventual needs, and I can get later) and meet her there. I even offered to pick up some food for a mini picnic, and took a blanket too. Thanks mom for drilling the "Girl Scout Motto" in my head as a kid. ;)
And speaking of, we saw a troop of French Girl Scouts hiking through the park, decked out in their uniforms. Major awwww moment for me, as I remembered doing the same thing as a kid. My mom was a Girl Scout, so naturally she stuck me in it when I was a kid, and honestly, I am glad she did. It wasn't always my favorite thing to do, but I have some fond memories of it, and it was definitely something we got to share before she passed. It made me really wish she was still alive, but for once, definitely not in a sad way. It was kinda happy, actually. And as Monday was the 11 year anniversary (I was going to jump on here and blog about it, but changed my mind. That story is tucked in my actual journal), it was actually a nice change to think about her and smile, instead of bawl my eyes out and freeze half to death (which is what happened Monday).
We had a wonderful time today though, just sitting in the sun and talking, and watching the Cigognes fly around. Yep, we even heard the mating call, and saw a little Stork Lovin' going on too. Hahaha! There was one that flew over us too with a stick in her mouth for her nest. Very cool, indeed. And it was the first time I actually SAW a Cigogne (which...well would be like living in Indiana, and not seeing a Cardinal. Just doesn't happen/that's our state bird). After the way it transpired, I had to joke with Melinda that we were REAL Alsatians now, not only having seen the regional bird, but seen the regional bird try to keep the population levels up. Hahaha!
But anyway, we talked about how we couldn't believe it was already April, and how it just seems that time is flying so fast. It really is. Blink, and March is gone. It's already been 2 weeks since the last concert and after next week we're on Easter Break til the beginning of May. May is finals, then June I'm hanging out, and the end of the month I'm headed back stateside. What? You mean to tell me this adventure is winding down? Insanity! It can't be! I feel like I just got here! I feel like I have so much more I need to do, and see, and feel, and experience, and learn, and...and...and...
Well anyway, point is, I wish I could freeze time to this point of my life. Yeah I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way, but it's true. I've had such a wonderful time here. I mean, it's had its struggles and drama, but that's a given; that's just life. I know in the moment I was a pretty big baby, but looking at it with some time between me and the bad situations, it's all been a learning experience. And then stepping even further away from that and looking I've realized, for the first time in my life, my life has been GOOD. I've been able to start clearing out the crap. No, debts aren't paid or anything like that, but I'm not talking about that crap. I'm talking about my own messes. I've been able to push myself away from the crap, and start actually growing up, and learning, and seeing what's really there. Life's been beautiful, for the first time. I mean, life has seriously been really good. Not without challenges but they're...normal...challenges. You know, managing money, weighing necessity versus pleasure, just stuff you always have to think about. That's life haha! It sucks, because I want to just jump on a train every weekend, and go see this that and the other place, and I can't. Ah well, there are worse problems, right?
It's just been...it's been nice to finally experience the nicer side of life for once. Not even just the nice side of life, but to feel ALIVE. That's what was missing before. I didn't feel alive. I didn't feel like I was living the life I have, even though I so desperately wanted to. Fort Wayne, and everything there, was killing me, slowly. I needed to get out, and get away. I needed to remove myself from all that, and finally see something else. And not just see another country, though anyone who knows me knows how desperately I wanted to, but I've seen other things that are just deeper than seeing a Gothic cathedral, or street signs printed in another language. This is about seeing LIFE; seeing things we need to see as human beings. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The up, the down, the in, and the out.
That video, the song, I think sums up exactly how I feel about this whole adventure. "I'm Alive" by Zoo Army. Yes I'm still on my Gil Ofarim kick, but honestly, the more and more I listen to his music, the more and more it ends up not just being a cute German musician to obsess over, but a soundtrack. So many of his songs--English and German--have become something I can identify with. Being away from home, feeling alone, cutting yourself out of the trap your life's put you in to move to bigger and better things, feeling that burning adoration for someone else, that withstands distance and separation in hopes of reuniting to create a life together and having a "home," solitude and time healing wounds and teaching important lessons, being able to stand on your own, and not needing anyone else to be that for you...it seems all the major things I've learned and dealt with since leaving have been described in his music. And sometimes, it's a comfort to know that someone else out there "gets it."
Has it been a challenge? You better believe it has been. It's not been without it's fighting and crying and screaming and bitching and moaning. But the thing is, all the struggles have actually ended. By that I mean, I go through them, but there's actually a resolve in the end. I honestly haven't ever had that before; it just always seemed like suffering for the sake of suffering before. Yeah, I know, it could've been a lot worse and all that. And, it's been hard letting go (mentally and emotionally) of the things in my past, but had I not left home like I had, I don't know if I ever would've managed even an attempt at it.
The sad part is though, I have to go back. I've known I'd have to go back, as soon as I left. I guess there's that much, but even if that's true, the idea of going back is still a hard idea to swallow. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Hell, I figured out how to manage myself in 2 foreign countries, if I can do that, I'm sure I can manage myself in a town I've lived in for 22 years. But I don't want to go there. The point of all this rambling is to be happy and looking on the bright side of everything. Every rose has its thorns, but I don't want to focus on the thorns too much. Point is, I've finally been able to look at the rose AND the thorns, and actually see how pretty the rose is, despite the fact it can potentially hurt you. Just be smart about it, and try to dodge the thorns, but if you get stuck anyway, find the way to mend the wound and let it heal, and in due time, it'll be all right.
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