The Final Countdown...

No computer for a month really killed my updating. And now that there's only 13 days left in France, I'm...well be prepared for a word dump.

The last several weeks have been wonderful. I finally got to do the Colmar-Riquewihr trip with Sibylle I had been talking about and we had a blast! I think Riquewihr is the prettiest place I've ever seen. And I had really been wanting to see a small French town like that. ANd Colmar and Riquewihr both lie in the Route des Vins, so the countryside was beautiful.

Since then though has just been a countdown to coming home...like I actually can remember the days. And it's not necessarily something I'm excited about. It's been a lot of mixed emotions, that's for sure.

Brandon has a character in his little realm that is by all definition a mutant. I won't describe details, for his sake, but one thing about this character is, as soon as you call her a freak, she flips. It's the one insult that can (and does) set her off.

All my life I've felt like a freak. An untouchable. A weirdo. A misfit. Whatever, you name it, I felt like it. I've been alienated my whole life. And, in comparison to others my own age, I've always felt like the freak. Even if they didn't do anything to make me feel that way, I just did. My past always made me feel weird and misunderstood. Alienated may be a better word. i was the poor kid whose mother died; whose father wound up being a sicko maniac; whose brother hates her; who has no job, car, or money...

But here in Strasbourg, that's not the case. And people KNOW the 'bad' sides of me too, yet I don't feel like this weirdo misfit loser anymore. And it's weird...it's honest to goodness weird. I mean it's a good change, right? But it's still odd as hell. I almost don't know what to do with what I've been able to become.

I like what I've been able to become though. I've been able to become/be the person I always wanted to be, and live the life I want for myself. it's a very nice change of pace, and I have to admit it's half of why the idea of leaving has been so hard.I've been able to hop off of everyone else's dysfunctional Ferris wheels, and live like people are supposed to live. After having memories fogged with drama and craziness, it's been a great change of pace.

And on the note of leaving, I've started saying all of my goodbyes. I said goodbye to Mikhail last week, as he left on Tuesday...then had a funny encore of that goodbye a few days later. Melinda and Véronique left yesterday, which was hard. We (me, vero, matt, adele, cliodhna and sunny) all crashed out with Melinda and goofed off the whole night. We got all of about 3 hours of sleep and then we saw Véro off from the Lufthansa stop at the train station in the morning. We got teary eyed as we watched her leave, and the fact there was still one more goodbye to be said didn't make it any better.

Melinda left that afternoon for Paris. Intermittently was fun because we all ran around and helped her do her last minute things. She insisted on not making us help, but we did anyway, and with success (and a ghetto rigged shower rod) we were on time! We got her to the train station, and waited around for about half an hour, until it was time for her to leave. Melinda was emotional, and i tried holding it together best I could, but when it came down to the last hugs, I lost it and bawled. Of course I actually had a full face of makeup on, so there that all went. haha! But it really weighed on me, saying 2 goodbyes in one day.

Sunny and Cliodhna had to be goofy and ran off after the train as it pulled away from the station, but Adele and I cried. She said it best though, "It wasn't real until the train moved." That's exactly how it was. Once her train left, that was the end.

And that has really been hitting me hard too. This is all...over. Anis has made it to the International school. I made my trips to Stuttgart. I've done my last bit of grocery shopping. Finals are over. Friends are going home. I'm half packed up. I'm...leaving. It's so weird, because as rough as the beginning was, I settled into life here, and now I get to be uprooted again. Let's just hope I can have the stability back home I've been able to have here.