It's only been a week and a half since I've written anything, but I'm feeling a bit of an itch to write.

The last while has been eventful, but not in the way it was before. I honestly just stay in my room most days and do nothing. Haha! Mainly to avoid from wanting to spend money on crap I don't need, or whatever, but if you know me, I LOVE being out and about, so holing up in my room is driving me crazy.

I have a final today, in a few hours actually. And it's driving me nuts. It's the one class I basically gave up on weeks ago. I don't need it at home, I just took it for the certificate that the school here offers. It's not at all what i thought it would be, which isn't to say what it is is bad or stupid, just not what I was expecting, therefore not as interesting as what I was expecting. But from what I gather, other students share my, or have similar, sentiments.

The good part is though, no matter what happens with this final today, I only have 3 to prepare for over the break. And I'm not really that worried about them. Not saying I won't study, but I figure if I sit down and study I'll be ok. Of course I'm going to be SLAMMED with finals come the end of the year (year long + second semester classes) but I also have time on my side right now, so I'm not too worried about that. And classes actually end at the end of April, so I have a month to study. THANK GOD. I'm gonna need it.

I'm frustrated YET AGAIN with the class I kept missing a while ago. The prof changed the room AGAIN (one time thing), and I missed the announcement in class, and yeah. Needless to say I was none too thrilled. Not really mad at the prof per se, as I'm just getting frustrated with the changes. Especially as I actually show up for class to find I'm in the wrong room, or there at the wrong time. It's not like I'm skipping on purpose. Matter of fact, I've ONLY missed this class when she's changed it. If there's no change, I'm there on time, ready to go. The prof expects you to be there and I'm cool with that. But then I find out that the paper I've turned in (and had a friend edit) was off base. UGH! Are you serious? I did a good topic too...which makes me even more mad. It's not like I BS'd the paper, and hoped for the best. I actually put time and effort into it, and did a ton of research for it. So now to find out I apparently missed the point is aggravating. But she said she'll talk to me, so either she'll be willing to give me some kind of credit for what I DID do (which I would prefer lol), or she'll let me rewrite it.

But that all said, I guess what makes the last several weeks so eventful is all the "growing up" and "Life lessons" I've been doing and learning. A part of me gets really mad, because, well, here I am at 25, just now figuring some of this stuff out, but the beauty of it is, I AM learning it. I've fallen on my face, and yeah it hurts, but I get back up, and move on. One day I'm angry that the friends i Have here, who are 19, 20, MAYBE 21, are like "Oh yeah i knew that" or they have a handle on something, and here I am going "huh?" but the next day I'm happy I even have the chance. I wasn't getting the chance before. I was getting smothered. Things are still trying to smother me, but it's not working this time. I've had enough of being the bird in the gilded cage, or the pretty toy on a shelf, or, to put it how Hanson (shush) wrote in a song, "Put on these chains, and you can live a free life." I was living a free life under a guise where I was really chained for YEARS. And freedom was always defined as being able to come and go when I wanted. No, freedom is being able to discover who you are without restraints. I'm not saying you have to be wreckless and stupid, but no one's behind you saying "No, don't" or "No you can't because I say so," it's all up to me at this point. I decide. I do. I think. I feel. I say. It's up to me, no one else.

And I don't feel inclined to do what most newly freed young adults do. I have no desire to go party all the time, get drunk because I can, or go find some drug to shoot up. I don't feel like sleeping with anything that's defined as 'male'. If anything my worst offense has been going out and eating at restaurants I can't afford on a whim. Or that 50 euro sweater! hahaha! Things that really in the end are relatively harmless (And in the case of the sweater I wear it all the time).

The thing i have to remind myself of is that seasons come and go. Nothing is forever. I used to think that was the biggest piece of shit you could tell me, but so much has happened in 3 months, I can't help but believe that anymore. Good or bad, it doesn't matter. Things come and go. One day is rainy and shitty and your jeans get soaked and have to be hung on the radiator before you can wear them again. The next day is sunny and warm and you're eating enough gelato to make yourself sick. So whatever happens, happens. Whatever will happen, will happen. And we can't do anything about what has happened. so whatever's next will come, and it too in its time will pass into something else.