'Tis the season...

to be stressing! Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Yes, my finals schedule is ALL sorts of screwed up now, apparently, and do I have ANY idea where to find ANY of this information? Of COURSE not. Wait, I can check online! hahaha! I just thought of that! XD But no apparently all of a sudden a ton of finals are BEFORE break, not after so there goes 2 weeks I thought I'd have for studying. Or at least a few. Uhhhhh yeaaaaahhhhhh not kosher. At all. And there's nothing online. Shiiiiiiiiiit.

Anyway that said I just wanted to jump on here for a minute. I hadn't updated in a while.

This town may end up making me appreciate snow. Haha! The snow here does end up making everything even prettier. I slipped quite a few times on my walk to school Friday, but other than that it hasn't been bad at all.

I've been a pretty emotional rollercoaster lately. I know, nothing new, but there's been a lot to sort out. I'd dare say a lot of it is "growing pains". I decided to go to the school counselor, to talk about it, but that just ended up not really helping. Granted, I'll blame half of that on language barriers (I had several points in time where I just didn't know how to say something in French) but IDK, I guess I was looking for a different approach? Some other kind of insight that I, nor my friends, would've had. Nothing against my friends, but sometimes you turn to "educated" people because you know they have a different slant on things. Well, in the end, she only told me what I had been told umpteen times. So on a good note, that means (in my way of thinking) there's a level of truth and the advice should be taken. But on the flipside, I guess I just wanted something more meaningful. *shrugs* Ah well...at least the appointment was free, and the woman I saw was nice enough. I kind of miss the counselor I had at IPFW last year. I would tell her what was going on, then she'd ask for my reaction, or would play devil's advocate and tell the other side of that. I guess that's really what I wanted.

But moving ahead, I am finally legal! ahahaha! I got my titre de séjour (equivalent of a green card in the US) on Wednesday. But the story doesn't end there...

First off, I was hanging out in the waiting room at the immigration office. Normal, whatever, sit next to some guy. He starts talking to me. Ok fine...waiting room...this happens. Well 1) He's Arab 2) he couldn't speak French for a damn.

Let me explain myself though before I go any further. I realize the Arab statement sounds horribly racist. But, keep in mind, I have friends who are Arab/of Arab descent. I have no problem with Arabs based on their ethnicity. However, I have the uncanniest luck with Arab men. They don't understand "no," they don't understand "I won't sleep with you," and they don't understand "I'm not interested in you." I've had many BAD experiences with Arab men trying to pick me up. And when they try, and don't take no as an answer, the claws come out. I (sadly) will resort to racist slurs and bad stereotypes to get them to leave me alone if I have to. Not because I believe that crap, but because it'll piss them off enough they walk away.

Fortunately I haven't had to resort to that in this instance, but as soon as a guy named Abdul asked me for my phone number, in an immigration office, I felt myself mentally groan and roll my eyes. But being naive little Erika, he now has my number, and has tried to call me. And I ignore every damn call. UGH! I swear I have the weirdest luck when it comes to guys.

Let's not even talk about the Georgian guy who wouldn't shut up about me being "the most beautiful American [he] ever saw." Another mental eye roll.

Moving on, as the semester is winding down, I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things. Mainly just all the ups and downs of being here. It's baffling to think how much has happened. Ups, downs, ins, outs, trips, languages, culture, finding my way around a new city, making friends, getting lost, being overly emotional, spending too much money on crap, and not enough on necessities, post cards, packages home, a 55 euro stamp, Gil Ofarim, Gelato, figuring out how to handle myself, learning how to adapt to a different system, figuring out how to get a hold of the US and not spend a small fortune, knowing who cares, knowing who doesn't, coming to terms, realizing something new, blisters after walking around the city all day, having the most ridiculously tacky blanket that keeps me warm to the point of sweating most nights, plug converters, the fire-breathing hair dryer, walking between 2 countries, my first train ride, new currency, a decent public transit system, letting go and trying to move on, hatred, love, excitement, despair, hope, confusion...Lord this list could go on all night if I wanted it to. And, ya know, I'm glad I'm here all year. I feel like I'm starting to get a grasp on everything. And hell...I want to keep trying! As rough as it's been lately, I don't want to stop. I'm not ready to quit or give up. Maybe it even serves as motivation to keep trying and keep going, and to learn more and more and more...and I don't just mean academically. We're talking life; personal discovery. That's why I decided to take this damn trip. I could've stayed at home, I could've just settled, and ya know, it probably wouldn't have been all bad had I made that choice. The way my life was beginning to look up to the day I left, it was actually looking better. Not perfect, but better. But, well...when have I ever been content to settle? Never. I needed this. I really needed this.  The good, the bad, and the ugly. I needed it all.

I've never had the chance to be my own person, mainly because of how my dad was treating me. I had to be his minion, and I wasn't content to do that. So while everyone else my age is going out and getting a career, married, and having a family, I'm figuring out a bunch of shit I should've been working on when I was 19. But, at least I have that chance. I've fallen on my face, I've fucked up, I've been in weird situations, I've cried and bitched and ranted. But, I've also had some pretty amazing moments (I mean, I'm gonna be bragging about the smiles during Acht's show for quite a while), eaten some amazing food, seen some amazing things, gone to some cool places, and met some damn cool people.

So anyway I better get going...I need to take out the trash still (lawl) and then get to studying. I hate finals...

<3Eri