Pick-Me-Up

It's the end of les vacances. Ugh. But of course, all good things must eventually come to an end.

I spent today hanging out with Melinda, after she got back in from Leeds. So we swapped stories of going to Leeds and Stuttgart. As I was talking about Acht, I let her borrow the CDs I bought to rip, and then we got to talking about Gil, and his career back in the 90's.Then of course we proceeded to go on and laugh at all the bad pop music we listened to in the late 90's. HAHAHA! Good times. I never realized how baby faced Gil was back in the day! Hahahaha! And of course, that lead to us laughing at all the baiting and hooking that was done in those videos (I openly admit that I fell for the cheesiness of it all), and then being astonished at how a few were actually pretty awesome.

Of course, that lead to "Out Of My Bed (Still In My Head)" by Gil being a whole new inside joke. Haha! Not like I didn't run down the street yelling that song in some horribly off key voice. Even better that it's in France. XD

I mean come on, a heartthrob German singer, running through the halls of a hotel, bitching and yelling at everyone, throwing his girlfriend out of the room, and fooling around in an elevator? What's not to love? XD God I miss being 14 sometimes...

Out of my bed, but you're still in my head, I want you to know that I won't let you go!

It's been a good end to the vacation. Sure Monday is a "jour fériée" (public holiday) and I have no school on Tuesday (SCORE!), but I definitely have to get some kind of homework done over the next few days. I have a presentation on Thursday I have to finish taking notes for. After all the presentations I did last year in French and German, I'm not too worried about having to present in another language. I just got to make sure I write everything the teacher wants.

Anyway, I had better head out now.

<3Eri

P.S. Isn't happy Eri-kat so much more fun? XD

Nein niemand ist dabei, wenn ich in meine stille schrei

So I'm terrible at being alone. Absolutely terrible at it. Which is really funny as it seems most of the time I'm alone, my phone is dead silent most of the day (hahaha both of them XD). I'm a fiercely independent person, and hate being held down by groups, or whatever you want to say. I like being on my own, a lot of the time, but not all of it.

I was ok doing the Stuttgart thing alone, because I've never really had any friends who held the same interest in Gil Ofarim I've had, nor do I have any friends here who are a fan. So hey cool trip it to Germany on my own. Even initially exploring around here, I was cool doing it on my own. I like doing things like that at my own pace, and then I'll ask questions as I go.

But today--well not just today really, but it happened today--I was just out and about, walking around. Didn't really have anywhere to go, or anything to do, was just wandering around. Made my way to the cathedral, just because i like it there, and places like that give me a sense of comfort. Why, I don't know, but anyway, I went in, put a euro in an offering box, and lit a candle for my mom. After the night I had what was it...Thursday? I don't remember, it just felt like a good idea, I guess a way of saying "I wish you could see me now, Mom."

So after that, I sit down in the main sanctuary, and just look up at the altar, thinking, feeling, whatever. I guess you could say I was "having a moment." Of course, I start crying (surprise anyone? XD). And this is the moment where I find out that I suck at being alone.

The whole time, I found myself wishing Brandon was there, holding my hand, or sharing it with me. I would always go off on this tangent, whenever he asked what I was doing with him, instead of off running around all over God's green earth, on why I stuck around. Call me an idealist, but I'm big into the thought of having someone to share life's highs and lows with. I mean, I dunno, to me life is only half way worthwhile if you're all alone. And I feel alone...ALL alone.

I was reading Gone With the Wind today (once again, is anyone surprised? haha!) and I came across a description of Scarlett that I felt on par with. 

"Why, she had never had to do a thing for herself in all her life. There had always been someone to do things for her, to look after her, shelter and protect her and spoil her. It was incredible that she could be in such a fix. Not a friend, not a neighbor, to help her. There had always been friends, neighbors, the competent hands of willing slaves. And now in this hour of greatest need, there was no one. It was incredible that she could be so completely alone, and frightened , and far from home."

Now, I don't see myself as spoiled, per se, and God knows I've had to pick myself up by my boot straps time and time again to get through things, but the thing is, I've never been at it alone. There was always someone there, helping me, holding me, loving me, caring for me, handing me a damn box of tissues and reminding me to be careful else I'd smear my makeup. You ever tried to keep this much black makeup from running by yourself? Haha! It's hard! But no, my point is, I've always had people with me. No matter how damn bad it got, there was someone there. And now, it's hard doing it on my own. I've never had to do it on my own.

But I guess that's half of why I signed up for this, as much as it may suck sometimes. I need to be able to function on my own. Unlike the Antebellum South, where women never had to do anything for themselves, and were expected to marry, and to have a man do things for them, that's not the reality anymore. And I wanted to be a woman that could stand on her own, not to have to ask, Daddy, Boyfriend, or Best Friend(s) to do things for her. And in a lot of ways, I feel myself "getting stronger" so to speak, as in taking care of day to day living, but emotionally? I haven't been alone one day of my life, and now all of a sudden, I am. And I hate it. I effing hate it. However, part of me REALLY feels like Scarlett after Melly gave birth, and Rhett finally shows up with his horse and carriage. As she flings herself into his arms, all she can say is:

"Rhett? Rhett? Is that you Rhett? Oh thank goodness you've come!"

Grief

Now this isn't something I ever counted on (though i probably should have).

Let me start by saying that I had a really good day today. I wanted to go hang down by the river, and read or write, but the part of the river I was wanting to hang at was closed off (which I don't get why as today was a beautiful day but I digress), so I headed a bit further down to Petite France and found a spot under a wonderful tree. I spread out the Princess Blanket, had Little Mari in my lap, and pulled out my journal to start writing, while going between Zoo Army and Acht (shut up, I'm obsessed, I know this, deal with it! XD).

I ended up writing a lot about my mom, some personal psycho analysis stuff, whatever, just got to thinking. I won't go into details, but a lot of it got to bothering me, big time.

That said, I call Debbie, and find out her middle daughter is being a huge, immature brat AGAIN, and yet once again, keep in mind I'm the bad one, though i hold no blood, genetic, or legal relation to Debbie, yet here I am picking up the burden once again.

Long story short, all this mother related stuff sent me into an all night break down. It's come and gone, for sure, but come more than gone. I've been bawling most of the night, and even when it calmed down, I was still fighting off tears. Basically it was one of my breakdowns that happens once every so often. It's been months since one came up (I'd say at least a good month before I left the US was the last one).

It's frustrating to see this, and know that I will never have another chance to call my mom. I will never have a chance to ask her for her advice. I will never have a chance to even hug her and say 'Love you mom, talk to you later.' There is no talk to you later, for me. There's a huge part of me I will NEVER be able to replace, and will never understand, because my mom isn't here. I've spent the last 10 years feeling like an incomplete person.

So on top of all this, this is the first major break down like this I've had, alone (did that make sense?). I've always had someone around, even at the worst ones (every year at Christmas, without fail, the one song that makes me think of my mom plays, and every year without fail, I run out of a store in tears, Brandon usually right on my heels). I just am so angry now, because the one person I can turn to now is really no more than a memory, and a few old photographs. I barely remember her voice, or watching her put on makeup before going to Worship on Sunday mornings, or her sitting at the table, talking to me over lunch. I don't even remember what my mom's favorite song was, or if she had one, or a favorite book, or even a favorite color. And don't even ask me if I remember her favorite Bible Verse, or days that were important to her. I couldn't tell you. All I can tell you is her name was Linda Kay Wilson York, she was born April 1, 1958, and everyone tells me to this day I look just like her. Beyond that, I don't know who my mother is. Or was.


So now I get to watch some ungrateful, selfish person treat their mother like this, and it makes me angry. I'd give anything to be able to give my mother a hug, yet a girl can't acknowledge her mother, because she's letting some stupid, angry boy poison her mind. She's letting some jerk turn her against her mother, and all I can do is stand by and watch, and be angry about what I'm missing out on.

It's times like these where I wish the alternate realities I made up for myself were real.

Es Werde Licht

So going to Stuttgart was exactly what I needed. I was getting really burnt out and tired from school. Honestly, I feel like I'm in a new relationship, Strasbourg being my new lover, metaphorically. When you first start dating, it's all pretty and new and you're excited about everything. You're always kissing and holding hands and going on dates, wanting to show off how much you "love each other" and you swear up and down it'll be forever. You're together every day, and pout when it's time to go home.

But eventually, you get burnt out on each other, and the crazy explosive fights happen over nothing, and while the make up sex is great, you just turn around and fight 5 minutes later, and wonder if this is what you want because this is what you signed up for. Undoubtedly, something happens though, and reminds you just why you're in this relationship, and you're back to being happy and excited.

So I'm back to being happy and excited. And this week off is helping. I have a project the week after break, and then I have major catching up to do on my notes. Kinda sucks that I'm doing all this over break, but I'm also going to Colmar Thursday, so it's fair. And of course Stuttgart. I can't complain. :D

I got to looking through some of my profile pics on facebook, and I noticed something kind of...odd. Well maybe not odd, but well...
my older pics, it doesn't matter how "good" I looked in the picture, you can tell I felt, bogged down, tired, whatever. Doesn't matter how goofy and vivacious I get, or how much I laugh, I still was lacking something. I mean, with what my dad was doing, quelle surprise. I always felt trapped. As was pointed out just before I left, it was stay with my dad and tolerate his bullshit, or leave and get married. How many kinds of pre-Women's Lib screwed up is that? I mean no slam on Brandon when I say that, but seriously, that was my predicament. So I pursued waiting til I was 24, and could legally tell him to fuck off in every way shape and form I needed to, to be able to take care of myself...FINALLY. For someone who boasted how he was booted out after college graduation, lived in a shithole trailer, and was "taking care of himself" with all the fixings of adult life by the age of 22, when he got married, he did an extraordinary job of not letting me have that for myself.

Anyway, enough ranting. The point isn't to rant. The point is, now that I look at pictures of myself since I've gotten to Europe, it's so different. I don't look so stiff, and rigid and tired. I look happy, and well, I look like the kind of person I am: Happy, excited, ready to go live my life, and all that jazz. I finally get to be ME. I don't have anything holding me back now, and I don't have someone brow beating me over everything I do.

I was looking at my pictures from Stuttgart when I realized it. One of the pictures, where I was in the hostel, you could tell. So I went back and looked at other pictures of me, since I got here. All of them, I notice the same things: relaxed face, even just the slightest smile seems happier, my eyes seem to shine more, etc.  And ya know, I really do feel that way. It's funny how it shows. And the more I think, the more I realize, once i get this credit card crap cleaned up, I'm home free. I made it out in quite the nice condition, considering what happened. It could've been SO much worse, but it wasn't. Thank God for small favors, eh?

Well anyway I'd better get going. I'm sure you'll hear from me again soon, as i'm heading to Colmar Thursday :D

Stuttgart

So if you've known me for any length of time, you know I was talking for MONTHS of going to Paris for my birthday as my treat to myself. Well, thanks to having a tooth explode RIGHT before I left the US, and that medical bill (I was able to get it reduced BIG TIME but it still cost me around $300 when it was said and done), that was starting to look impossible. And eating out 2-3 meals a day til i figured out where I was going killed the finances too. Loverly eh? So Paris was looking like less and less of an option, sadly.

Well, if you've known me a REALLY long time (we're talking since about 6th or 7th grade), you know there's this blonde haired, blue eyed German singer/guitar player I've been in love with since 1998, Gil Ofarim. Let's say he was the first nail in the coffin lid concerning my obsession with German music. HAHA! I've been following him on and off ever since, trying to download his songs all through high school, and always opening up websites that streamed his newer music over the last few years. I've watched him go from a German heartthrob, to a grungy, raw guitarist.

Of course, his current band, Acht (meaning "8") is on tour right now. Stuttgart was the closest show they were playing to Strasbourg, so naturally I booked a ticket, and a train ticket (AND I left from Kehl, to avoid all the bullshit going on here right now with the strikes). It was more money than I should've spent, but after what I've been through, and what I had to fight to get here, I was taking the chance. Any project Gil has had over the years has NEVER made it to the US. Sadly. Back 1998-2000, a lot of people went on about it online, hoping he would listen to the outcry and tour the US and release a CD. He was even part of the "Let The Music Heal Your Soul" compilation back I think in 1998, and that made it here to the US. Yep, we fought hard, signed websites, begged, you name it, I did it and never did he cross The Pond.

So now that I'VE crossed The Pond (isn't that the way relationships work? Women do all the work to get what they want, then the men get the glory and can lay back and enjoy? XD Sorry I had to make the stab. LOL TOTALLY just being a smartass), and am hanging out in France, I decided to say what the hell and take the trip to Stuttgart to see Acht. Considering Stuttgart is one of the closer places they were playing, I said what the hell, changed my mind, and "hoofed it" over the border. :D Let's say it was very well worth the...oh lord...I'm gonna go on a limb and say $200 (we're talking after converting, the train ticket, the show ticket, the 3 CDs I bought, food/drinks and my room at the hostel) I spent on it. It was just an amazing night!

The concert itself was just amazing. It was a small venue, club scene, and everyone was squished in, but not so tight that it sucked. I was RIGHT up on the stage, like we're talking I was leaning on monitors to take pictures (if you've seen the ones I took, there's no zoom. Only one or 2 were zoom, mostly for the effect, but I was just about that close already). It was just straight up amazing. Some moments were just fucking intense. There's no way hardly to describe the surge that everyone there felt. After a few of the songs, the band just stood there on the stage with this tired, but satisfied, look, and the crowd looked back with the same expression. All anyone could say was "Goddamn" when it was at that point. We were all breathless and high on adrenaline and whatever other endorphins your body releases in moments like that. It was fucking awesome.

Their bassist loved me, hahaha! I have that luck at shows, with the guitarist or bassist, depending on where I'm at. I've had guitar players start just playing for me before, which is awesome as hell. :D The best part was the smiles I got from Gil. I got 4. Oh my lord, you don't even know how I felt at that moment! hahahaha! Someone I've admired for 12 years now, smiling back at me from the stage? Hahahaha! I felt like "that girl in the crowd" from those crappy guilty pleasure fanfics I read all through middle school and high school, without the random hook up after the show. The first smile was really the best too. I was excited and smiling like a fool already, and he looked up and over my direction, saw me smiling, and smiled back, just as big and goofy as a grin as I'm sure I had. I also seem to have good luck getting good smiles from guys in bands. Isaac Hanson gave me one of the sweetest smiles I've ever gotten when I said thanks for an autograph, and Bill Kaulitz practically had me hanging on to banisters and anything else I could find to hold myself up with just by smiling at me. Not to mention the hug I got from Jordan Whelan (guitarist) from Still Remains. ;) So having Gil Ofarim flash a gigantic smile at me just fits oh so well. And 3 more smiles like that? Hell yeah!

One point, now that I think about it, things were getting so crazy and tense again (in a good way) he practically dropped his guitar, climbed over the monitors (nearly fell on his face doing it too), and jumped down in the crowd, singing and jumping around with everyone who was there. Yeah I was...5 feet away from him? Fucking AMAZING! I've never been at a show where that could be done. Hell, I've never been to a show where there was no barricade between the stage and the crowd. So yeah, even more amazingness :D The whole show was just incredible. I'm still on cloud 9 from it.

The ending of the show was just down right amazing. They ended with their song "Zufall" (Chance). I think actually that was the song they were playing when he was in the crowd, as he climbed back up, and didn't have his guitar, and didn't have it at the end of the show. Anyway, point is, we got to a point where we were singing the chorus A Capella along with the band, and it was just fucking powerful.

Wie du bist, wie du lebst,
Unsere Welt sich versteht
Liebe frei, bin dabei
Nicht mehr unter zu gehen
Wie du liebest, wie due gibst
keine Rettung in Sicht
Liebe frei, bin dabei
ohne Schatten zu gehen.

(English version:

No matter who you are, No matter how you live, 
our World will work itself out, 
Love freely, I'll be there, 
Nothing else can go wrong. 
No matter who you love, no matter what you give, 
the end is near, 
Love freely, I'll be there, 
no shadows looming over you)

That's the chorus to the song, and we just kept singing it over and over and over. It was amazing. The whole song was emotional, but that moment was definitely one of those moments that are WHY you spend $200 to go to a show.Yeah, yeah, yeah romanticizing things for the win, I know, but deal with me, that's how I view my life. Deal with it. ;) It was a very 'romantic' night. No, not like that. I'm talking romantic...like romantic era literature or romantic era music. :P I told you...the post concert hook up part was missing. HAHAHA! Anyway...

So I bought 3 CDs at the show last night: Gil's last solo CD from '03, the CD he did with Zoo Army in '06, and then his new one with Acht. I've been listening to them all day, and I smile like an idiot when I listen to Acht's CD. It's just so awesome FINALLY owning these CDs. Call me a nerd, but I've been trying to own something of his legit for a long time. I finally got it. ;)

After the concert, I walk out of the club, and start heading home. Of course, times like these are when I do all my thinking. And we know what happens when I get thinking. No, I didn't cry! Shush-ish. But I did get emotional. A lot of times I get mad or jealous, thinking of my friends I know are getting a lot of help from their parents, especially during study abroad stuff. Now, I know I have people who will help me, so I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. Usually, if anything I just get frustrated. And no, I don't begrudge my friends anything. Just sometimes I focus too much on what I don't have, rather than what I do have. But the other night, that changed.

If I had my dad giving me money while i did this, I can hear the ranting and raving my dad would've gone on, about me going to Stuttgart. Of course he couldn't afford to put more money in my back account (because he just bought a new guitar), or I needed to be smarter with my money (because he can't pay the bills so why should he give me money?), or some crap like that. I'd basically be living like I did in Fort Wayne. Sure, there's such a thing as being responsible, and whatever (and no I'm not very good at it, I admit it openly), but it dawned on me: I'm doing this on my own, with only myself to answer to. I don't have anyone nagging me about what I can and can't do. So yeah it kinda sucks, not having someone to take care of me financially, but hell, I can do what I want when I want to. Awesome, right? Haha! I don't have someone yelling at me about money, and ruining me having a WONDERFUL night like I had anymore. Trust me, my dad would've just ranted and raved about me being irresponsible, and it's not safe and all that. Please. It's dangerous getting out of bed in the AM. But nope, since I'm taking care of myself, I can do what I want to do, on my own terms. It's kinda nice to have the liberty to do that for once.

But yea I really oughta go. I've been trying to write this all damn day.

Things I (don't) miss

Well, now that I've been here a month, I decided to compile things I do and don't miss. THINGS. Not people. I think the who I miss has already been established. ;)

1.) I miss pancakes. Like you don't even KNOW how bad I miss IHOP right now. I have been a regular IHOP customer over the last 5 years, so yeah, don't think I need to explain much else. And I miss making my huge breakfast. Which whaddya know, is pancakes! And eggs, bacon, coffee, juice, milk...man, cooking that meal hungover is the best. XD

2.) Free refills. They give you dinky glasses, charge you 2,50, and you don't get a free refill? Highway robbery man. LOL.

3.) Peanut Butter. seriously, how can peanut butter not exist in a Western nation that does trade/business/whatever with the USA?

4.) My TV shows. I spend all summer getting caught up on Dexter (to the point I get compared to Deborah Morgan XD), and all last school year catching up on Supernatural, and now I'm out of the country. Really? UGH! And of course, the season finale of Dexter was a cliffy, so yeah, I'm mad lol.

5.) My movies. I couldn't find them to haul them with me. I miss GWTW. :(

6.) XBox. Not because it doesn't exist over here, i just miss it. Fable 3 anyone?

7.) My Desk. I effing love my desk at home. I mean I have a pretty wicked desk here, but my desk at home is so pretty!!!

8.) My fast food chains of choice: Taco Bell, Burger King, and Rally's. All they have here (at least that I can find) is McDonald's and Subway.

9.) Reliable Internet

10.) My keyboard cell phone. The ear piece was crappy as hell, but i loved having a keyboard. I miss American cell phone plans too.

1.) The comfort of home. I mean the state of being, not the physical sensation. You know, that feeling you get when you kick back on your sofa, or couch, or computer chair, kick your feet up, and turn on the tv/xbox/computer, and you're in your element? Yeah I miss that. I mean my dorm is becoming more and more home, especially now that I have the internet, but I miss kicking back on Brandon's big red sofa with an xbox controller and the puppy in my lap.

I think that's the bulk of what i do miss, but there are some things I DON'T miss, for sure, and it's only fair to include those too.

1.) My dad and brother. If you know me, you know the story. If not, let's just say the quicker they cease to exist, the better off I'll be.

2.) American Politics. And I don't mean the political system and all that, or anything against the incumbent president, I mean the bullshit mud slinging name calling smear tactics. I mean the mentality of "If you're liberal, you're anti-American." I don't miss the bipartisan bickering. Not to say that France doesn't have their problems, but I dunno...there's just something awesome about being in a country that will protest if a fly farts, yet, it doesn't impact me (side note: doesn't mean that the protesters have a bad point however).

3.) Crappy public transportation. Not including SNCF in that. I don't care how often Strasbourgeois will run to catch a tram, I don't care if I barely miss the damn train, it's SO much nicer than Fort Wayne. Seriously, 9 minutes between trains? that WAY beats an hour between buses. and $45 a month for a crappy bus system? Yeah, the bus/tram passes here are HALF that, regular price.

4.) The Indiana landscape. Ok in all fairness the countryside IS pretty, but in comparison to this? Please. Though Alsace does look a lot like Indiana, at the same time what as come up out of it is so much prettier here.

5.) Fort Wayne. Ugh. I've hated The Fort for YEARS, and I've wanted out since I was 17. Now that I'm in a city like Strasbourg, why would I want to go back to Fort Wayne? I seriously think though, no matter how things pan out, I won't stay there anyway. Here it's diverse, and there's culture, and the city itself is even a political/cultural hub of Europe. Fort Wayne is SORT OF the crossroads of America, filled with a bunch of rednecks (side note: talked to a German guy the other day who asked if Indiana was full of rednecks and I CRACKED up), and narrow minded people.

6.) Feeling like my past was looming over my head. coming here, albeit for school, has really given me a chance to establish myself away from my past

I have to say though, no matter what and who I miss, or don't miss, I'm glad I came here. :D

1 down, 9 to go

Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
 

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

But I'll never let you go
If you promised not to fade away
Never fade away


-"Starlight," Muse, Black Holes and Revelations 2006

So I've been here a month now. It's quite hard to believe. I already feel quite acclimated, on some levels. Others, still working on it. I have a feeling this semester is gonna be tough. Not because of anything bad, mind you, just the fact it got started so much later in comparison to the school year in the US. But it's been a great month. I'm finally out and on my own, living my life finally. It's been exciting. I love how my every day life is seeing century old buildings, tarte flambées, sunrises in my bedroom window, Gelato, wine, and foreign languages.

But, it's also been a hard month. I seriously cry every day about something (mostly that I miss Brandon, but a lot of other things have triggered me crying. Mainly memories). I'm still proud of myself for making it 2 days without crying, til Brandon had to be a butthead and be all emotional and make me cry while I was on the phone with him.

Anyway, I happened to be listening to Muse on my way home from class. Didn't want to burn myself out on NIN this morning (though "Closer" is an awesome wake up song ahahahaha), and Muse just sounded cool. I'd never really listened to the lyrics, but for some reason they jumped out at me. And, it fits how I feel.

I up and left my home behind for somewhere new and unusual. Of course, I wouldn't shut up about it. It seemed to be the answer to all my problems. And in some ways it definitely has been. No, it won't guarantee my dad pays me what he owes me, nor will it guarantee that my life will wind up exactly how I want it, but it has changed a lot of things. I'm not angry like I was. I mean, I've never NOT been angry, now all of a sudden I'm not. I may get a little frustrated, but it's nothing like it was. Things don't aggravate me like they used to (except my internet but we're not going there lol). I'd say overall I am happier, despite the emotional wreck I am. lol. I'm happier with my life, and where I am, and I really feel like things CAN get better. I'm not as worried, either.

The first part really rang true though. Everyone who I know REALLY cares about me--from little Preston on  up--is a billion miles away it seems. And it's not saying anything bad about the people I've met recently, or that French people are assholes (though I have had a few interesting run-ins...leading to a new comparison a friend and I make when stuff gets weird: "At least I didn't get asked if I was a prostitute." HAHAHAHA!), because that's not true. But the closest semblance I have to a family is on the other side of the world. I was so focused on getting away that I didn't realize what I was leaving behind. Now I do, and it drives me nuts. It feels like my heart's only half here sometimes. The rest of me is far, far away, and i just have to deal with only a fraction of a heart beating in my chest.

Anyway, I better get going. I'm sure everyone is sick of me being an emotional wreck and I have to go home before I head to class, as I left the potocopy of the reading assignment there by accident. Oops!

<3Eri

Weather and Time

So first things first: the Alsatian weather is definitely as bad as Indiana’s weather. It was BEAUTIFUL on Sunday: Warm, sunny, not a cloud in the sky, the last 2 days have been kind of cloudy, a bit cooler, but still decent enough I went around in capris and sandals (I’m such a Hoosier lol everyone else is in jackets and scarves, and I have my hoodie “just in case”), and today, it’s back to being BEAUTIFUL.

I’m at Place Gutenberg again, and I have time to kill before class (about 3 hours), and I really don’t know what to do with it. I went on a very mini shopping spree, as I found a Claire’s here. I got a new watch, which I kind of needed (I mean my cell phone suffices, but the way I pack up anymore, it’s hard to get to), some earrings, and a necklace. The earrings were the only thing not on sale, and frankly if it hadn’t been 13 euro, I would’ve bought a Disney Princess umbrella I found. Maybe if I get this job, I’ll buy it.

Speaking of, I may email soon about it. Even if it’s only a contract job, I’ll take it. I’ve seen a school here that teaches kids English, and I have yet to go to that bookstore, The Bookworm, and see about working there.  ANYTHING to bring in a little money, so I’m not always hitting up my family for cash.

One of the things that gets me about Strasbourg is just how diverse it is. When I was first reading about coming here, about a year and a half ago now, I remember reading the population was about the same as Fort Wayne, and identified it with a lot of aspects about Fort Wayne. Boy, was I EVER way off center. Not that I mind though. I just never expected what I’ve seen. On a daily basis I hear some combination of French, German, English, Chinese, and sometimes Japanese, Italian, and a handful of languages I just can’t identify. I’d heard there were a lot of Muslims/”Magrehbins” here and that never phased me, but it’s definitely more than in Fort Wayne. But every day I see a diverse city of tourists, students, immigrants, or people who may have lived here for a few generations now, but yet their heritage is something other than Caucasian-European.

As much as I at least felt I knew before leaving, it never compares to what reality is. I’ve carried on conversations in French, German, AND English, sometimes using a combo of those languages in one day. That’s definitely not something I ever did at home, outside of school. If I spoke French or German, it was someone fascinated that they had just encountered a multilingual American. Here, I do it to get by and have a meal to eat in the evening. I mean, I don’t mean to sound dramatic when I say it like that. I only say it that way to show that it’s necessity.

But, I really do love it here. I feel I’ve done a good job adjusting, despite the loneliness I feel almost on a daily basis. I can get around, know what’s what, read a paper, ask questions about my phone or internet (WHICH BOTH ARE DRIVING ME NUTS RIGHT NOW), and know what someone’s saying when they explain it to me. I play with random dogs on the streets when their owners stop for a second to let me pet them, I’m starting to be recognized at a few of my favorite hangouts, and life is starting to have a routine. I don’t feel like just some student here, I feel like my place is here. Sure, it’s not the same as being in the town you were raised in, but you should see my room…I TOTALLY live there (looks like a pink bomb exploded in the place, followed by Disney princesses and a bunch of makeup, and of course it’s a mess ;)).

A year ago, I was hiding in my bedroom, listening to my dad scream and yell at Debbie, and felt like the scared little child who didn’t know what to do when mommy and daddy were fighting. A year ago, I was struggling through my days, because I was running almost around the clock with little rest. A year ago, I was broken hearted, fearing living my life all alone, being just some dried up old spinster when I got older. But today, I’m watching a 110 year old carousel carry happy children around on a bright and sunny afternoon, and a young couple, probably each others’ first love, share their affection in the shadow of a statue dedicated to Johannes Gutenberg. I had always dreamed about days like today, but never thought they existed, but here I am, living exactly what I thought I’d never achieve.

Petite Mari

Hi everybody! It’s me! Mari! I bet you’ve seen my pictures on my Mommy’s Facebook, but now she’s letting me write in her blog before class! How cool is that? 

Well, Mommy and me have already had a good morning! We stopped by a little patisserie (my Mommy is teaching me all kinds of cool French words!) for breakfast, and we got three huge pain au chocolat for really cheap for breakfast. They were yummy! Since Mommy left REALLY early, she decided we could hang out and blog for a while! So let me tell you about ME!

I’m a baby windrider right now. One day, when I grow up big and strong, I’ll be a big windrider, carrying around blood elves, and orcs, and trolls and anyone else who fights for the horde! Mommy says to do that one day I’m gonna grow up big and strong, and I’ll be too big to go everywhere with Mommy, like I do now. But Mommy also said that if I wanted, I didn’t have to join the fight of alliance vs. horde, and I can stay here and take mommy wherever she wants to go! I might do that instead, because I love my Mommy. She cuddles with me every night, carries me with her on all sorts of cool trips here in Strasbourg, and even treats me sometimes (Gelato, Pain au Chocolat, and some nummy food we had in Germany that I forget what it’s called).

I love living in Strasbourg with Mommy! I didn’t get to know Fort Wayne that well, as when Daddy got me, he said I had to hide out because I was a going away present for Mommy, but I also had to keep Mommy safe! Daddy said Mommy had a lot of flying to do, and I had to protect her! And don’t you think I did a good job keeping Mommy safe?

Well, Mommy wants the computer now, so I guess I have to talk to you guys later. Au revoir! (That means goodbye in French!)

~

Ok Mari, enough of being a ham. I swear that little squirt is worse than me. But, she’s a lovable little squirt. ;)

Here’s the real story with Petite (little) Mari. She was a going away gift, like Mari “wrote” from Brandon. The kind of joke was that she was supposed to protect me on my flight over here. So, once I got here, I looked at the little cub and thought, “Ya know, this little shit’s story isn’t over yet. Sure I got here safe, but what now? I have the next 10 months here, and getting me here was just the start.” So Le Voyage de Petite Mari en Alsace Francaise was born.

I spoofed the title of the book by Hansi that has my name on it for Mari. Sure there’s my trip here in Strasbourg, but there’s Mari’s trip too! And in all honesty, the only time the little thing isn’t in my backpack hanging out with me is when I’m in class, and it seems I spend more time out and about than I do in class, so she spends most of her time with me. It’s fun, using her to help document my time here but it’s almost nice to have her because it feels like a bit of home is with me. And by home I mean Brandon. When I was in Germany, I didn’t care how dumb I looked to anyone there; Petite Mari was sitting right across from me on the table while I ate my lunch. It almost felt like Brandon was with me while I was just sitting under an umbrella, enjoying my meal as best I could in rainy, chilly weather.

Oh yeah, Mari complained big time that day because almost any time I wanted to take a picture of her by herself, she had to sit somewhere that made her butt wet. Haha! ;) Sad but true…but that’s what I get for going out on a rainy weekend.

Anyhow, as class is about to start, I had better get going. I’ll talk to you all later!

<3Eri